IN HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM

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Sarah is sat with her head in her hands sobbing. Liz is beside her rubbing her back with a breast cancer leaflet.

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LIZ

Hey, calm down. I’m sure it’s nothing

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SARAH

What if it’s not nothing? It could be a lot more than nothing.

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LIZ

Sarah, honestly, it will be fine.

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They wait in silence. A door opens and the doctor appears.

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DOCTOR

Miss Ormond?

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LIZ

Oh, god. Yes. That’s me.

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Liz gets up. Sarah dabs her eyes with her tissue, takes a deep breath and follows Liz.

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LIZ

(Whispered) Sarah, sit down. I can do this on my own. You’re clearly not in the state to watch a doctor play around with my boobs for ten minutes.

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SARAH

(Whispered) It’s bold of you to assume I am not going to be there with you for every step of your boob journey.

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LIZ

(Whispered) Okay, I don't know how I feel about that, but, I will do anything to shut you up.

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Lis grabs Sarah’s hand and they walk into the room together. Liz lies on the bed. Sarah takes a chair beside her.

 

DOCTOR

So, how can I help you two today?

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Liz looks awkwardly at Sarah.

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LIZ

Umm…I have a lum-

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SARAH

(Still crying) - She has a lump on her breast and it’s hard and it’s big and it’s not painful and I looked it up and that means it is cancer. How long does she have to live Doctor, how long?

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The doctor stares at Sarah and then back at Liz.

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LIZ

Now you can see why I didn’t want her in here. Well, I found it about 2 months ago, but I’ve had a benign one before, so I'm just assuming it’s another unnecessary trip to the hospital.

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DOCTOR

Okay, so I’m just going to go ahead with the ultrasound if you could just take your top off for me.

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The doctor turns away to sort documents.

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LIZ

(Hums the intro to ‘You Can Leave Your Hat On’ by Joe Cocker whilst removing her top and bra. Sarah laughs but the doctor doesn’t react.) I’m guessing this isn’t the time for that.

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Doctor rolls his eyes and returns to prep the ultrasound machine. He applies the gel to her breast.

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LIZ

Ooh that’s cold. (Doctor smirks) I think this is the most physical contact I’ve had in a while actually. Should I be enjoying myself this much?

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Sarah giggles whilst the doctor fakes a smile and tuts. Silence is broken up by a ticking clock. The doctor stops moving the stick and turns to the screen.

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DOCTOR

Hmm…

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SARAH

Was that a ‘good news hmm’ or a ‘bad news hmmm’?

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DOCTOR

Ummm (he shifts in his seat) well, I’m not sure yet. I’m just going to call in my colleague a second, if that’s okay.

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Liz nods. He leaves the room and brings back two more doctors who mumble and point at the screen, until finally nodding in agreement. The two girls stare at them intensely. Clock ticking remains throughout.

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LIZ

Care to tell me what is so fascinating about my tits?

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DOCTOR

Okay, Liz, I am going to refer you to get a biopsy just to confirm what I see, but I’m pretty sure it is benign.

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LIZ

You’re pretty sure?

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SARAH

(Shouting) Pretty sure? That is unacceptable! I will not be leaving until I know my friend won’t die in 3 months.

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DOCTOR

I’m sorry I really don’t want to scare you, but I’ve never seen anything quite like it. The good news is that it seems relatively contained so –

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SARAH

- Relatively contained? You have got to be kidding me. (She stands in rage) Where did you get your medical licence? I demand to see your credentials.

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Liz signals to Sarah to calm down, she huffs and sits down.

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LIZ

Please ignore her, so I just wait until the biopsy and then we will know for sure?

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DOCTOR

Exactly. Hopefully I am right, and you will be fine, but you will need regular check-ups to ensure everything is back in working order.

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LIZ

Okay great thank you. Well, no offense, but I hope we don’t meet again!

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The doctor gives a concerned smile and waves them out. Sarah stares at the doctor until the doorslams shut.

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WALKING OUT OF HOSPITAL, IN THE RECEPTION.

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SARAH

Some doctor he was. “Pretty sure”? “Relatively”? Do hospitals have Yelp?

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Liz starts walking faster and Sarah struggles to keep up.

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SARAH

I did note down his name so if I ever see him on Tinder, I can immediately swipe left.

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Liz stops in front of a vending machine and crams in coins.

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SARAH

I bet he’s the kind of guy who only went to medical school to impress his parents, but he actually wants to become a professional footballer.

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The chocolate bar gets stuck. Liz shakes the machine whilst crying. Sarah notices, stops Liz and hugs her.

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SARAH

Hey, what’s the matter? That was good news! Was it because I was talking to much? You know you can hit me, and I can stop.

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LIZ

My KitKat bar is stuck.

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Sarah takes a step back and looks at Liz concerned. She aggressively smacks the machine until the bar drops to the bottom of the machine. Sarah picks it up and hands it to Liz, wiping her tears away with her sleeve.

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LIZ

It’s just...this is what happened to my mum. There’s one false alarm and then it’s the real thing. What if this is the real thing?

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Sarah reaches for Liz’s hands to hold them.

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SARAH

We will cross that bridge if we get to it. For now, we can stalk Dr Harris on Instagram and bitch about his lack of medical skill.

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LIZ

I’d like that. Let’s go. I need a drink.

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They walk out the hospital, hand in hand.